*sigh*as usual im not happy



what the hell?



im never fucking happy



or i am and it gets reuined



i was at steves yesterday



yes of course



my one day to spend with him



so you know i loved it but for some reason i did but i didnt



odd huh?



i love him to death but he freaked me out a lil



he kept grabbing my wriste's real hard



im not sure if it was on pourpose or if he doesnt know his own strength



i think he doesnt know his own strenght



because he would never do anything to hurt me on porpous (yes i cant spell)



everytime i would try 2 pull out of his grip hed grab tighter



i didnt get marks or anything but



everytime i would pull away id say like ow or stop nd hed still grab tighter till he relized i was joking



i guess i do joke alot



cause hell like pick me up nd ill be like ahhhh put me down or ahhh no dont where i thinks its fun nd kool lol cause dude he can fucking pick me up Real High Man!



i had a headache when i went to his house



nd the bleach in his basement didnt help



laying on his bed next 2 him with his arm around me nd his blanket i was wrapped in did help



plus you know i could get angry quick because when ever i have my period im in pain and i dont wont 2 deal with shit



nd something else about him scared me...



we were sitting at his dinner table way after dinner of course...



i was eatting a bagel (*thinks mhhhhm bagel... i might go steal one from downstairs when im done*)



he was eatting a apple...



he was cutting it as he ate it



i had gotten something on my arm that made my egzama act up nd get itchy



and of course me being me ill itch it till it stops itching or it bleeds



so i kept itching it nd he knew it so hes liek stop



nd im like but it itches nd iu started scratching my arm again nd he hit me i did it again nd he hit my arm again...



then i did it again cause it fucking itched like fucking hell nd he acted like he was gunna stab me with the knife he was using



i know he would never do that nd he even told me he wouldnt but i dont like people joking with me or anyone like that!



what if u acidently did end up hurting them?



so then i moved 2 the opposite side of the table from him he was directly accrosed from me now nd i started sctratching nd he did it again... he was close this time



he knew i didnt like it cause i started gettting that look on my face () and started moving away from him... so he stoped



thank god



then we were watching some stupid car movie in his living room



he had done something 2 me so the way he was sitting kinda laying on me or w/e



i pulled his boxers cause they were sticking out cause he wouldnt put a belt on



he didnt mean 2 do it and i dont know if he relizes thats why i started crying was cause he like slamed on my head when he wailed back 2 fix his boxers



i didnt know i was gunna hurt him that bad...



then a lil while later i left nd whent home



i got home and all i got was attitude



my mom turned my computer off



my bro had allhis crap in here



the room smelled like candels and the one she has lit made me nashious (idk how 2 spell) nd she knew it nd she still didnt blow it out nd i knew if i did shed flip



all my shit was moved i was pissed



i had a headache



she was watching some stupid show about the bradys getting married or w/e



i dsont know and i dont care



so stupid



my computer wouldnt work



i was pissed



nothing 2 do



i had 2 go sit on my bed and calm down



she kept yelling at the tv like everyone else in my house



finally she went 2 bed after stinking up the room



EW



i dont know

god i feel old!

my joints in my fingers, neck,elbow nd sholders hurt!

god this sucks i bet i have arthritis@

this sucks asssss

im going 2 get that bagel i mentened before...

so Bye loveys